Uneloquently Put.

It is 11:15 PM, and I really shouldn't be blogging.
There are only 1,001 other things that I should be doing;
things to pack, bags to weigh, goodbyes to say, house to clean,
and sleep to be had.
but, I shall blog.

How am I doing?
Whenever anyone asks me that, I have to smile to myself.
How am I doing?
If we'd both have time, we could sit down and talk about how I'm feeling for at least five years.

But today?
Today was a good day.
Today, an army of beautiful friends came over and scoured our house from the basement to that one cupboard in the kitchen that's so dirty we try to avoid it, to Cherie's closet that we used sneak out of bed to have sleepovers in.
(It's odd how it takes a move over the ocean to have your house cleaned that well.)
We had a grand time, and only found one dead mouse.
We took a last trip to Wallhouse.
And then we came home and began another long and emotional trail of goodbyes.
How do you say goodbye to people you've looked up to and learned from and loved and embarrassed for seventeen years?
I don't know.
May I never be good at it. 

It's odd how saying goodbye to people, even when you think you're dried up and can't squeeze out another tear, makes your eyes brim over and you get that chokey feeling in your throat that won't let words out.
There are some things that can be better expressed through tears than through words;
 through suffocating hugs than long eloquent speeches.
Because this isn't normal.
This isn't natural, and it doesn't feel good to have your heart tear in two.
It doesn't feel right not to be able to see babies grow up, or couples get married.

but, God is so good. 
I know that that is so cliche, but it's so true.
In the midst of so much heart-aching; so many emotions falling all over themselves;
 God has given a peace that passes my understanding.
A peace that says that all things work together for good.
That God doesn't give beautiful gifts and then take them away unless He has something absolutely mind-blowingly better to give us; if we don't foolishly cling to the first.
That this is God's best for us, and so it's His best for our Church, our family, and our friends.

And He's given me excitement; impatient excitement.
I am so ready to go, so ready to finally do this after knowing about it for a year.
Even though God had a plan even through all of that horrible waiting process.
A plan for empowerment for our family.
(And boy, did He act.)
But now, I think we're ready.
Excited and ready to get on that airplane.
To get to know the wonderful people there waiting for us.
To get to know Thailand; it's land, language and people.
To claim Isaiah 37:26 spiritually over Chiang Mai against the power of darkness:
"... that thou shouldest be to lay waste defenced cities into ruinous heaps."
In Jesus name, we go to proclaim His name to the lost.
I couldn't and wouldn't be doing this without Jesus.
We tell unbelievers that we're moving to Thailand, and they don't understand,
 because none of this makes sense without Jesus.
It doesn't make sense to leave all 'this', unless you have a greater purpose than all 'this stuff'.
We're leaving people, I know.
But we have the hope of heaven, so really, we're just sacrificing a few drops of time in their lives to save souls for eternity where we'll all be together forever and ever amen.
(that's a whole lot easier to type out than live out.)

There are so many other things I wanted to say ...
so many other thoughts that are running through my head.
How we're going to miss this house.
Even down to the squeaky drawers and thin walls.
How we're going to feel on the airplane.
How we love love love you people.
How excited we are for God to change our lives through Thailand.
How scary learning Thai looks.

I wish I could type everything with perfect ease and eloquence, but it's just not really happening tonight.
but lack of words doesn't mean lack of feeling.

Pray for our family.
We are going over in Jesus's name, which we know the devil doesn't appreciate.
We don't ask for things to be easy, because we know that during hard times, we grow.
Pray for the people there that God will bring into contact with us; that we'd be full of boldness and love, and that we'd shine His light onto their lives.
Pray for family unity.
Pray for spiritual, physical, mental and spiritual protection.
Pray for us while we travel.

basically, we can't do this on our own.
Your prayers mean more than you know.

And I'm all out of words yet again.
Listen to Christ of Hope//Michelle Tumes.
Those are the words that are in my heart,
even when they don't make it to my fingers.

May He give you peace.

- ChristinaCelise.