Tea With The Queen. (And Other Matters)

Characters: Christy and Chloe Barkman. (sisters)
Set: Living Room. Mancala Game. Book (which Christy looks at to pretend she's not as interested in the conversation as she really is). Couch. Calico Cat Which Looks Like She Is Wearing Too Much Mascara.
Saturday morning. 10:50 a.m.
Scene 1:
Christy sits down on couch and looks at book.
Chloe is playing Mancala.
By herself.
Cat is in its own virtual world, where everything is Big, Scary, and Evil, and she tries desperately to remain alive while tumbling and crouching and pouncing and . . . playing with marbles.
CHRISTY: (nonchalantly; remember, the book is supposed to be more important than the conversation.)
Hon, if you would invite the Queen to tea, what day would it be on?
CHLOE: I don't know. . .
CHRISTY: Like, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday . .
CHLOE: Wednesday.
CHRISTY: Wednesday? Okay . . .
What would your decorations be?
CHLOE: Pretty.
(That's always a good choice...)
CHRISTY: Like, pretty pink, or pretty . . .  horse? (I'm not sure where that came from)
CHLOE: Pretty pink.
CHRISTY: And would you make sure that she remembered to stick her little pinkie out when she drank tea?
CHRISTY: What would you say if she didn't remember?
CHLOE: I would say, "You forgot to stick your little pinkie out."
CHRISTY: What would you say when The Queen walked in the door?
CHLOE: I would say hello.
CHRISTY: Polite. Very polite.
And what would she say to you?
CHLOE: hello back to me.
CHRISTY: Okay, let's say, 2 minutes after she's been in the house, what would you be talking about?
CHLOE: Um, How's your life. Like, how's your life, like, what she's doing.
CHRISTY: What would she say?
CHLOE: Good. Her life would be good.
CHRISTY: And would you play before lunch?
CHLOE: No. No, because big girls don't play, Right?
CHRISTY: How come they don't?
CHLOE: 'Cause they're big. Well, mom doesn't. Well, sometimes they play bollyball.
CHRISTY: Would you play bollyball?
CHLOE: Um, yeah. Whenever she would do it.
And we would sometimes watch movies.
Why are you doing this anyway?
CHRISTY: Remember when Cherie talked to you about movies?
CHLOE: Yeah.
CHRISTY: Do you think it would be wise to watch movies with The Queen?
CHLOE: Yeah.
(CHLOE zones out while CHRISTY frantically scribbles what they've been saying. 
CHLOE realizes that, while playing herself in Mancala, she has miraculously won!)
CHRISTY: Okay, at what time would you sit down and eat?
CHLOE: Um, ten o'clock.
CHRISTY: And what would you have to eat?
CHLOE: Would it be supper, or breakfast, or lunch?
CHRISTY: Well, since you are eating at ten o'clock, probably breakfast.
CHLOE: Kay, we would have eggs . . . and sausage.
No, not that.
You can erase that if you want.
We would have cornmush, and . . .  potatoes with tomato juice (tomato gravy, I believe.) and eggs.
That's all.
CHRISTY: What would you have to drink?
CHLOE: Lemonade.
CHRISTY: In the morning?
CHLOE: Yeah. Wait.
No, no, no, no, no, orange juice.
CHRISTY: What would you talk about while you drank tea?
We would talk about going to their house.
CHRISTY: You mean, you going to her house?
CHLOE: Yeah. (CHLOE commences in singing 'Queen's House', tune unknown.)
CHRISTY: What would you say if she invited you to her house? (castle, Christy, Castle.)
CHLOE: I would say, "Sure".
CHRISTY: After tea, what would you do?
CHLOE: We would, since she invited me to her house that day, we would get our coats, and shoes, and all the things on, and go to the Queen's house.
And the King.
(CHLOE begins to go on Rabbit Trail #1, about Homeschool Co-op.
CHRISTY answers questions.)
CHRISTY: Okay, let's focus. What would you do at the Queen's house?
CHLOE: We would talk.
CHRISTY: About what?
CHLOE: Um, meeting each other at a meeting, Like, when we're gonna be there. (Christy is clueless.)
CHRISTY: And when would you come back?
CHLOE: Um, 9:30.
CHRISTY: Would you come back unchaperoned?
CHLOE: Um, hmm?
CHRISTY: Like, without anybody coming with you.
CHLOE: Oh Yeah!
CHRISTY: How would you come home?
CHLOE: Um, my husband would drive me.
CHRISTY: (weakly) Where has your husband been?
CHLOE: He's been with me.
CHRISTY: Hm, I haven't heard much about him.
CHLOE: Hm, maybe you should talk about him.
CHRISTY: Okay, let's talk about him now.
CHLOE: Kay. Oh, and my kitten.
CHRISTY: Okay, how long have you been married?
CHLOE: Um, not long.
CHRISTY: What are your favorite things about your husband?
CHLOE: *giggling* This is a hard question. (oh, dear.) Handsome, Strong, I think that's pretty much all.
CHRISTY: What are his favorite things about you?
CHLOE: Um, That I'm with him, and that I have brown hair and brown eyes. (CHLOE must think this is an awkward conversation)
Okay, could you talk about my cat now.
No, you don't have to.
(CHRISTY and CHLOE talk about Cat.)
CHLOE: I want to talk about my husband.
CHRISTY: What do you want to say about your husband?
CHLOE: I don't know . . . Um, he's nice.
CHRISTY: What else, honey?
CHLOE: I don't know, it's just like all.
Now couldn't we talk about my family.
(CHRISTY senses that she is no longer in control here.)
CHRISTY: Okay, say one thing about your family.
CHLOE: Um, they're nice.
CHRISTY: Okay, I  feel like we've kind of gotten of the talk about the Queen.
CHRISTY: But that's okay. . .
What you say when you say goodbye to the Queen?
CHLOE: Goodbye, I would say goodbye, and I'll see you at the meeting.
  (She must know what she's talking about, but I don't.)
CHRISTY: And closing remarks?
CHLOE: None.


Later, I told Chloe that we didn't really know what the Queen was Queen OF.
She decided that it is Jessica, Queen of Hearts.
(no idea where she heard that.)

In other news, THE Ohio State University is playing today.
We're all pretty excited, to say the leastest.
Have a great Week.
- Us.

Left and Right.
The one in the middle is the inspiration.


  1. I could be angry with you for copying me, but oh . . . this is sho funny. Sigh. ☺

  2. I love a Chloe interview no matter where it comes from.
    See you soon??

  3. that was so delightful!:) I love the dreamy way in which chloe says things.:) so innocent!

  4. Guys. Please. I can't handle it. It's too much. I want one. I want a Chlo in my life.

  5. May I say that you brought laughter to our quiet, still half asleep home through this post. I was laughing out loud, both my parents came by a little concerned, for they both thought I was crying! :)Ask the Chlo if I am invited to "the meeting" she speaks of. :) Your so funny, Dear Christina!And I do miss you!
    laughingly, Deborah Isabel.